How to Handle the Un-Holidays of 2020
COVID-19 and the so-called “cancel culture” of 2020 has affected many people negatively, causing disappointment, loneliness, boredom, and isolation. For some, however, eliminating the exhausting social obligations and the overwhelming sense of busy-ness in our lives was a welcome change of pace. Now that the holiday season is upon us, maybe scaled-back celebrations won’t be so bad either.
If you’re one of the millions who suffer during the holidays, you may find comfort in knowing this year will be a break from the norm. “Holiday blues” are real and stem from a combination of stress, exhaustion, unrealistic expectations, and forced celebration.
Stress is what we experience when the demands of any situation outweigh our resources. In other words, what is being asked of us is more than we can give. Our “resources” include time, energy, interest, ability, effort, support, and money. When those are depleted, we feel imbalanced and overwhelmed and our social and emotional “bank account” becomes overdrawn. The holiday season is a good example of a time when what is being asked of us, in many ways, is more than we have to give. That can feel disheartening, dissatisfying, and unfulfilling.
This time of year, under normal circumstances, is exhausting. There are social activities to attend, events to plan, people to see, presents to wrap, meals to cook — all demanding more of our precious time and energy. We also pile on additional demands, like the expectation that it should be fun, and delightful, and that everybody should be getting along, and feeling merry. These expectations often just add more pressure to the situation, further depleting our resources, creating more stress, and less joy.
The holiday blues can affect anyone, but for those who may be prone to depression, the risk of relapse is very real during this time. During periods of prolonged stress, we can also begin to feel ineffective in meeting our obligations. Around the holidays, it can be difficult to focus, perform well, be upbeat, buy great presents, and make everybody happy. And when the gap between our expectations and reality is really wide, we can feel disappointed and helpless, and that can be enough to trigger a state of dysphoria or depression.
For some, the disruption of family traditions, canceled plans, and remote celebrations will decrease the enjoyment of the season and amplify the blues. For others, a holiday season without all the added pressure and stress, may actually bring some relief, especially for those who struggle to find reasons to celebrate, those who have lost loved ones this year, and those who experience hopelessness or despair this time of year. A “low-key” holiday season may help us prioritize what’s most important and cultivate a sense of appreciation for the things we miss most.
Other important things to remember
◆ Take time for yourself.
Holiday stress, on top of pandemic stress, can leave us feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and depleted. Give yourself permission to take care of your needs too. Prioritize activities and traditions that are most important and remember self-care is one of the best things you can do to maintain balance. Go for a walk, text with a friend, scroll through social media (but not too much), watch a holiday movie, listen to music, or read a book. Everyone needs time to recharge, and by slowing down, you conserve your social and emotional resources.
◆ Set realistic expectations.
No holiday celebration is perfect, and certainly not during a pandemic. View inevitable missteps as opportunities to demonstrate flexibility and resilience. If children’s wish lists are beyond the budget, talk to them about the family’s finances this year and remind them that the holidays aren’t about expensive gifts. It’s also ok to talk with them about why holiday celebrations may look a little different this year.
◆ Prioritize what’s most important.
Great celebrations involve gathering with loved ones, expressing gratitude, honoring long-standing traditions, and making memories — not store-bought presents, elaborate decorations, or gourmet food. Connect with loved ones (even in small doses and at a distance) and get creative with making new and meaningful traditions.
◆ Seek support.
It’s ok to feel a range of emotions this time of year and it’s ok to talk about our anxiety, sadness, or disappointment with trusted family or friends. Getting things out in the open can help us navigate difficult feelings and work towards a solution. Acknowledging our emotional experience is healthy. However, if the feelings persist, or get worse, let your doctor know and they can refer you to a mental health professional if necessary. With telehealth and online therapy, accessing support is easier now than ever.
Perhaps this year we can celebrate the holidays without overextending ourselves, going into debt, feeling emotionally (and maybe physically) hungover, and focus on the simple holiday pleasures instead. Maybe 2020 will be the year when we can truly appreciate the reason for the season.
