How to Gratitude
Gratitude is the intentional acknowledgment of goodness in your life. It’s an attitude of appreciation and its power lies in its ability to shift your perspective, immediately. It gives you access to a sense of having “enough” and closes the gap between what you have, and what you wish you had. It feels good, but it also prompts us to DO good – to be more generous, more forgiving, and to act with more compassion and kindness.
It works because it takes us out of ourselves for a minute. It allows us to focus on “the bigger picture.” It lets us pause, take a step back, remember what matters most, and proceed with kindness. When practiced in conjunction with meditation, you also get the benefit of greater autonomic nervous system regulation, better emotion regulation, and good ole relaxation.
Research on gratitude has linked the practice with several aspects of our physical, mental and social health. For example, people who practice gratitude have stronger immune systems, report less pain and discomfort, have lower blood pressure, and sleep better.
They also report an increase in positive feelings (like joy) and that the feeling tends to last longer. A gratitude practice can help you access a more optimistic outlook, which is linked to hope and happiness. A gratitude practice can actually block negative emotions like envy and lack, because it is impossible to feel grateful and envious for the same thing at the same time (go ahead, try it!) Grateful people tend to be more resistant to stress, resilient in the face of set-back, and have greater self-worth. They also tend to be more helpful and generous, more outgoing, and less lonely.
Sounds great! Then, why is it so hard?
First, let me say – I don’t believe it’s hard to do, it’s just hard to remember to do.
However, according to researchers in the field, gratitude practice can go against some deeply ingrained psychological tendencies. For example, the so-called “self-serving bias,” which is the idea that good things happen because we make them happen. Also, the ever-popular “just-world hypothesis,” which postulates that people get what they deserve – if something good happens, it’s because we deserve it, or we’re entitled to it – and it’s hard to feel grateful for things to which you feel owed.
In my experience working with individuals struggling with depression or anxiety, I have found that people are reluctant to embrace gratitude because it can sometimes feel inauthentic. And if it feels inauthentic, then it probably defeats the purpose. Occasionally, people become overwhelmed by feelings of “un-deserved-ness” and perhaps guilt for having so much when others have so little. Also, there is a tendency for people to get “stuck in the striving,” – the false idea that if you are happy with what you have, you will stop striving for more – which is flawed thinking and in reality, it’s the exact opposite.
So, now you may be asking: “What does gratitude practice entail?”
The first step is to be deliberate about it, make a commitment to the practice. Next, is to have a sense of what gratitude feels like to you – like how do you know you’re feeling grateful? Where does it show up in your body? For me, I feel it in my chest and sometimes it moves me to tears, it can be very powerful. In the early stages, it’s important to pause frequently to check-in and take your “gratitude temperature.” Even better, tie it to something you do frequently, like a meal, washing your hands, or starting your car. And, like anything, the more you practice, the easier it gets.
Other gratitude hacks:
Write an email or text to someone to thank them for something they did/said (maybe even a hand-written letter or card) and I might tell them also what you appreciate about them, not just what they did, but also what you appreciate about them as a person
Text someone you haven’t seen or talked to in a while and tell them you miss them
Do a favor for family or loved one (or “pay it forward”)
Volunteer or join a cause
Practice gratitude at WORK – saying thank you to your employees motivates them to work harder
Create a “Gratitude Jar” at home with the kiddos and write down “pieces of gratitude” on tiny pieces of paper
Try to notice one small thing that makes you happy, go on a “Gratitude Walk” (weather, the color of the leaves, etc)
Meditate and think about someone or something that makes you happy – for example, try loving-kindness meditation, or breath appreciation meditation (check out the Greater Good Science Center website)
Make yourself a healthy meal and take the time to savor it
Gratitude journaling – count your blessings and your obstacles/setbacks daily
Find meaning in your challenges – this is a pretty advanced practice, but good for your brain and allows you to see the “bigger picture” more clearly
Happy gratitude-ing!
